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Captioning Provided By:
MTV NETWORKS

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ARE YA READY, KIDS?Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

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I CAN'T HEARYOU.

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Kids: [SHOUTING]
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

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♪ OHH... ♪

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♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE
UNDER THE SEA? ♪

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Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

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Captain: ♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW
AND POROUS IS HE ♪

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Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

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Captain: ♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE
BE SOMETHIN' YOU WISH ♪

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Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

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Captain: ♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK
AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪

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Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

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Captain: ♪ READY? ♪

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All: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

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♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

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♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

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Captain: ♪ SPONGEBOB
SQUAREPANTS ♪

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[CAPTAIN LAUGHING]

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[WHISTLING]

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[WAVES CRASHING...
GULLS SQUAWKING]

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[♪...]

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Narrator: SHADY SHOALS,
MILD-MANNERED REST HOME

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AND SECRET HEADQUARTERS
OF MERMAID MAN

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MASTER OF MARITIME JUSTICE
AND DEFENDER OF BIKINI BOTTOM.

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SEMI-RETIRED.

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AND HIS FAITHFUL WARD
BARNACLE BOY.

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WHO?HELLO.

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TODAY WE FIND THIS
DUO OF DYNAMISM

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ENGAGED IN THEIR FAVORITE
PASTIME: WATCHING TV.

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[BOTH SNORING]

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BUT WAIT, WHAT'S THIS?

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WHY, IT'S MERMAID MAN
AND BARNACLE BOY'S BIGGEST FANS

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SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
AND PATRICK STAR.

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DON'T THEY LOOK PEACEFUL?

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YEAH.

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WAKE UP!

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[SCREAMING]

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[GASPING]

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I'LL DEAL WITH
THESE SUPER-VILLAINS

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WITH MY TRUSTY MERMARANG!

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HEY, THOSE AREN'T
SUPER-VILLAINS.

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HI, MERMAID- OW.

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I CAN'T BELIEVE MERMAID MAN
HIT ME WITH HIS MERMARANG.

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IT'S SO AWESOME.

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WOW.

47
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CAN YOU BEAT ME UP NEXT?

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KEEP ON YOUR GUARD,
BARNACLE BOY.

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THEY'RE GETTING READY
FOR ANOTHER ATTACK.

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THOSE AREN'T SUPER-VILLAINS.

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IT'S JUST THAT KID,
UH, SPONGEBOB,
AND HIS GOOFY FRIEND.

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HEY, KID, CAN YOU GIVE US
OUR MERMARANG BACK?

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WE ONLY GOT THE ONE.

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HEY, SURE THING.

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OH, DON'T THROW- [GRUNTS]

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HEY, IT CAME BACK.

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YEAH, [CHUCKLES],
IT DOES THAT.

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I'LL TRY AGAIN.

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NO- [GRUNTS]

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LOOK, I'LL JUST
COME AND GET- [GRUNTS]

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WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

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[GRUNTS]
NICE SHOT.

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WOW, THAT MERMARANG
REALLY LIKES YOU.

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I KNOW.

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NOW JUST HAND ME
THE MERMARANG, SON- [GRUNTS]

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I'VE GOT IT!

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RUNAWAY MERMARANG!

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[SCREAMING...]

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[BIRDS TWEETING]

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[GRUNTS]

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[SCREAMING]

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[GRUNTING]

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OW.

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[SIREN WAILING]

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[MACHINERY BEEPING]

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SpongeBob: HI.

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HOW YOU FEELING?

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WOULD YOU GET OFF OF ME?

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OK.

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[GRUNTS] WHAT ARE YOU TWO
DOING HERE, ANYWAY?

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OH, I ALMOST FORGOT.

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I BROUGHT YOU FLOWERS.

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SINCE YOU TWO
ARE FEELING SO POORLY.

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Patrick: YOU NEVER
BROUGHT MEFLOWERS.

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PATRICK, GO HOME
AND CHECK YOUR MAILBOX.

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REALLY?

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[PHONE RINGING]

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THE MERMA-PHONE.

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MERMAID MAN HERE.[PHONE RINGING]

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[NEEDLE SCRATCHES OFF RECORD]

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MERMAID MAN HERE.

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AH, COMMISSIONER,
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

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[VOICE SQUAWKS INDISTINCTLY]

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YOU CAN COUNT ON
MERMAID MAN, COMMISSIONER.

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IT'S FOR YOU.

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BARNACLE BOY HERE.

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[VOICE SQUAWKS INDISTINCTLY]

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YES, BUT...

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00:04:01,551 --> 00:04:03,172
[VOICE SQUAWKS INDISTINCTLY]

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YES, YES, COMMISSIONER,
BUT, UH...

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[COMMISSIONER HANGS UP]

102
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THE POLICE COMMISSIONER
NEEDS US TO BE

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CELEBRITY CONTESTANTS
AT THE BIKINI BOTTOM
SHUFFLEBOARDING COMPETITION.

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BUT THERE'S NO WAY WE CAN DO IT
IN THIS CONDITION.

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WHAT KIND OF
QUITTER TALK IS THAT?

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WE'RE SUPERHEROES.

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WE'RE GOING TO THAT
SHUFFLEBOARDING COMPETITION

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OR MY NAME ISN'T...

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[ARM CRACKS]

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OW!

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YOU'RE RIGHT, BARNACLE BOY.

112
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IF ONLY THERE WERE SOMEONE
TO TAKE OUR PLACE.

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[GRUNTING]

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PATRICK AND I COULD DO IT,
MERMAID MAN!

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WHAT?

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WHY SHOULD WE
TRUST YOU TWO?

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BECAUSE WE'RE
CARD-CARRYING MEMBERS

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OF THE MERMAID MAN
AND BARNACLE BOY FAN CLUB.

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SO?

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SpongeBob: WE'RE ALSO CERTIFIED
MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY
IMPERSONATORS.

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CERTIFIED.

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YOU CAN'T ARGUE
WITH CERTIFICATION.

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OH, ALL RIGHT.

124
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I SUPPOSE THEY CAN'T DO
TOO MUCH DAMAGE.

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IT'S JUST SHUFFLEBOARD- [GRUNTS]

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[CHEERING]

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[CHANTING]: WE'RE
GONNA BE HEROES.

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WE'RE GONNA BE HEROES.

129
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[GRUNTS] WOULD YOU
CUT IT OUT?

130
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WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT?

131
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HEROES, HEROES, HE-ROES?

132
00:05:05,137 --> 00:05:06,241
NOW LISTEN UP.

133
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HERE, TAKE THESE RINGS.

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OH...

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AND WHEN YOU TOUCH 'EM TOGETHER

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YOU'LL BE INSTANTLY TRANSFORMED
INTO OUR DUPLICATES.

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[GIGGLING EXCITEDLY]

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MERMAID MAN
AND BARNACLE BOY, UNITE!

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WE'RE READY.

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MAN-BOB.

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AND PAT-BOY.

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REPORTING FOR DUTY.

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WHEN YOU'RE THROUGH WITH
SHUFFLEBOARDING

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YOU'RE TO BRING THOSE COSTUMES
RIGHT BACK HERE.

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AND DON'TDO ANYTHING ELSE.

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DON'T GO HOME FIRST,
DON'T SHOW YOUR FRIENDS

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JUST COME RIGHT BACK HERE,
YOU GOT IT?

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GOT IT.
GOT WHAT?

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THIS'LL NEVER WORK.

150
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WHAT WILL NEVER WORK?

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SHUFFLEBOARDING,
SHUFFLEBOARDING,
SHUFFLEBOARDING!

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[CHEERING]

153
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SHUFFLEBOARDING IS EXCITING,
HUH, PATRICK?

154
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WELL, DUH.

155
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WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE THING
ABOUT SHUFFLEBOARDING?

156
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EVERYTHING.

157
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IT'S EVEN FUN
JUST TO SAY THE WORD.

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[SPEAKING SLOWLY]: SHUFFLEBOARD.

159
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SHUFFLE-EL-EL-EL-BOARD.

160
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AH, IT IS FUN.

161
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WE'RE GONNA SERIOUSLY
KICK SOME ELDERLY BUNS TODAY.

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HUH, SPONGEBOB?

163
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WHAT?

164
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OUT OF THE WAY, GRAMPS. [GRUNTS]

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THAT'S MY TROPHY,
OLD LADY. [GRUNTS]

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[GRUNTING]

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PATRICK?

168
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IT'S GONNA BE
AN ACTION-PACKED THRILL RIDE

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OF GERIATRIC PROPORTIONS.

170
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AND THE BEST PART IS

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THERE IS NOWAY WE CAN LOSE
WITH THESE COSTUMES ON.

172
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WE ALREADY WON THE TOURNAMENT.

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OH, YEAH, I FORGOT.

174
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WELL, HOW COME
I DIDN'T GET A TROPHY?

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YOU DID, IT'S IN
YOUR BACK POCKET.

176
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OH, YEAH, I FORGOT.

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WELL, LET'S GO
DO SOMETHING ELSE.

178
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OK.

179
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YOU'RE TO BRING THOSE COSTUMES
RIGHT BACK HERE.

180
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DON'T DO ANYTHING ELSE.

181
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[GASPS]

182
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PATRICK, STOP!

183
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[GASPING] WE CAN'T.

184
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WE HAVE TO
GET THE COSTUMES BACK.

185
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FOR NEPTUNE'S SAKE,
SPONGEBOB.

186
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IF WE'RENOT
GONNA GO AROUND TOWN

187
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PRETENDING TO BE
MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY

188
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THEN WHO IS?

189
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UH, NOBODY?

190
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EXACTLY.

191
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AND WITH NO ONE
PATROLLING THE TOWN

192
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WHO'S GONNA STOP
THOSE YOUNGSTERS FROM LOITERING?

193
00:07:19,448 --> 00:07:21,379
[GIGGLING]

194
00:07:21,448 --> 00:07:22,793
THEIR MOMMIES?

195
00:07:22,862 --> 00:07:24,517
NO, WE ARE.

196
00:07:24,586 --> 00:07:26,103
LET'S TAKE 'EM TO THE SLAMMER.

197
00:07:26,172 --> 00:07:27,931
PATRICK!

198
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[GASPS] DON'T YOU THINK
THAT'S TOO HARSH?

199
00:07:30,482 --> 00:07:31,103
"TOO HARSH"?

200
00:07:34,310 --> 00:07:36,379
EXPLAIN.

201
00:07:36,448 --> 00:07:39,034
MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY?

202
00:07:39,103 --> 00:07:40,965
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

203
00:07:41,034 --> 00:07:42,689
UGH.

204
00:07:42,758 --> 00:07:47,448
[SCREAMING...]

205
00:07:47,517 --> 00:07:49,068
WASTING A KRABBY PATTY?

206
00:07:51,586 --> 00:07:52,413
HOW COULD YOU?

207
00:07:53,551 --> 00:07:54,241
I'M FULL.

208
00:07:58,379 --> 00:08:01,103
WELL, MAYBE SOMEBODY
SHOULD'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT

209
00:08:01,172 --> 00:08:03,517
BEFORE THEY PONIED UP FOR
THE WORLD'S GREATEST PATTY...

210
00:08:03,586 --> 00:08:04,931
MR. JAIL WARDEN.

211
00:08:08,206 --> 00:08:10,724
YOU'RE RIGHT, PAT-BOY,
THIS TOWN NEEDS US.

212
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,241
YOU'RE CHEWING TOO LOUD.

213
00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:19,068
[GRUNTS] OW.

214
00:08:19,137 --> 00:08:20,793
YOUR SHOE'S UNTIED.

215
00:08:20,862 --> 00:08:23,551
[GRUNTING]

216
00:08:23,620 --> 00:08:24,448
YOU'RE TOO OLD.

217
00:08:29,344 --> 00:08:34,689
[JAIL DOORS CLANGING]

218
00:08:34,758 --> 00:08:36,344
SpongeBob: AH, I THINK
WE'VE DONE OUR WORK, PATRICK.

219
00:08:36,413 --> 00:08:39,206
NOW LET'S RETURN
THESE COSTUMES.

220
00:08:39,275 --> 00:08:42,620
[HUMMING]

221
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:43,793
[GASPS]

222
00:08:43,862 --> 00:08:45,103
THAT'S THE EVIL MAN-RAY.

223
00:08:45,172 --> 00:08:48,448
[HUMMING]

224
00:08:48,517 --> 00:08:50,551
WHAT DIABOLICAL PLAN
COULD HE BE UP TO?

225
00:08:50,620 --> 00:08:53,413
WHY, HELLO, RAY.

226
00:08:53,482 --> 00:08:56,620
MABEL, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.

227
00:08:56,689 --> 00:08:58,344
LOOK AT HIM, PATRICK.

228
00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:00,068
PLOTTING WITH HIS EVIL MINION.

229
00:09:00,137 --> 00:09:03,793
SAY, COULD I BORROW
SOME OF YOUR DETERGENT?

230
00:09:03,862 --> 00:09:05,517
WHY, CERTAINLY.

231
00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:07,620
ANYTHING FOR THE GAL
I WENT TO THE PROM WITH.

232
00:09:07,689 --> 00:09:09,551
I'LL BE HE'S HANDING OFF
SOME SECRET WEAPON.

233
00:09:09,620 --> 00:09:10,793
TIME TO CRASH THIS PARTY.

234
00:09:10,862 --> 00:09:13,758
YOU HAVEN'T AGED A DAY, RAY.

235
00:09:13,827 --> 00:09:15,862
OH, YOU. [CHUCKLES]

236
00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:17,103
SpongeBob: HELLO, MAN-RAY.

237
00:09:17,172 --> 00:09:18,758
WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?

238
00:09:18,827 --> 00:09:21,034
HEY, MERMAID MAN
AND BARNACLE BOY.

239
00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:23,724
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MABEL.

240
00:09:23,793 --> 00:09:26,517
ANY FRIEND OF RAY'S
IS A FRIEND OF MINE.

241
00:09:26,586 --> 00:09:29,137
ALL RIGHT, MABEL,
THAT'S ENOUGH CHIT-CHAT.

242
00:09:29,206 --> 00:09:31,413
NOW ARE YOU GONNA COME QUIETLY
OR WE WILL HAVE TO TAKE YOU
TO JAIL BY FORCE?

243
00:09:31,482 --> 00:09:34,310
PLAYING DUMB, EH?

244
00:09:34,379 --> 00:09:36,379
YOU HANDLE MAN-RAY.

245
00:09:36,448 --> 00:09:37,896
I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIS LACKEY.

246
00:09:37,965 --> 00:09:39,172
[PATRICK ROARS]

247
00:09:39,241 --> 00:09:40,344
MABEL?

248
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,620
SpongeBob: HAI-YAH!

249
00:09:41,689 --> 00:09:43,448
EAT DRYER SHEETS, MAN-RAY.

250
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:47,551
[GRUNTING]

251
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:48,827
IT'S ON NOW.

252
00:09:48,896 --> 00:09:50,275
FILTHY SHORTS ATTACK.

253
00:09:52,482 --> 00:09:53,724
[SCREAMS]

254
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,344
CLOTHES BASKET BOMBARDMENT.

255
00:09:57,034 --> 00:09:58,000
[GRUNTS]

256
00:10:02,241 --> 00:10:04,931
SURRENDER... MERMAID MAN?

257
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,206
[GRUNTS] OW, THAT'S IT.

258
00:10:07,275 --> 00:10:10,310
TIME FOR THE SPIN CYCLE.

259
00:10:10,379 --> 00:10:11,034
[GASPS]

260
00:10:15,758 --> 00:10:19,137
NOT SO FAST, MAN-RAY.

261
00:10:19,206 --> 00:10:19,931
WHA...?

262
00:10:21,931 --> 00:10:23,103
YOU'RE ALL WET.

263
00:10:23,172 --> 00:10:25,034
YOU NEED TO DRY OUT.

264
00:10:25,103 --> 00:10:26,379
WHAT?

265
00:10:26,448 --> 00:10:30,689
NO, MY HEAD IS DRY CLEAN ONLY...

266
00:10:30,758 --> 00:10:32,724
[SPEAKING IN HIGH VOICE]: BUT
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

267
00:10:32,793 --> 00:10:34,655
JUST KEEP MOVING.

268
00:10:34,724 --> 00:10:35,931
YOU TOO, MISSY.

269
00:10:38,517 --> 00:10:40,275
WELL, OUR WORK IS DONE HERE.

270
00:10:52,413 --> 00:10:54,862
Man: MY LEGS, MY LEGS...

271
00:10:54,931 --> 00:10:56,172
Woman: DR. FORREST, DIAL ONE...

272
00:10:56,241 --> 00:10:57,827
Mermaid Man: GOOD JOB, BOYS.

273
00:10:57,896 --> 00:11:00,551
YOU WON THE TOURNAMENT
AND RETURNED THE COSTUMES.

274
00:11:09,413 --> 00:11:11,448
THANKS AGAIN, BOYS.

275
00:11:11,517 --> 00:11:13,379
JUST DOING OUR MERMA-DUTY.

276
00:11:13,448 --> 00:11:15,482
AND THEN SOME.

277
00:11:15,551 --> 00:11:17,206
[LAUGHS] "AND THEN SOME,"
THAT'S GOOD.

278
00:11:17,275 --> 00:11:19,172
GOOD-BYE, YOUNG MEN.

279
00:11:19,241 --> 00:11:22,448
OH, LOOK, WE HAVE MORE VISITORS.

280
00:11:22,517 --> 00:11:24,034
Woman: THERE THEY ARE,
OH, GET 'EM.

281
00:11:24,103 --> 00:11:26,172
LOOKING GOOD, MAN-RAY.

282
00:11:26,241 --> 00:11:29,758
[CLAMORING...]

283
00:11:31,551 --> 00:11:33,931
FASTER, YOU OLD COOT.

284
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:38,034
[CLAMORING]

285
00:11:38,103 --> 00:11:40,379
THEY HAVE SO MANY FANS.

286
00:11:40,448 --> 00:11:44,241
[CLAMORING]

287
00:11:46,413 --> 00:11:48,000
[♪...]

288
00:11:57,379 --> 00:11:59,689
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]

289
00:11:59,758 --> 00:12:02,068
THANK YOU.

290
00:12:02,137 --> 00:12:03,379
THANK YOU.

291
00:12:06,068 --> 00:12:07,103
AH.

292
00:12:07,172 --> 00:12:08,793
ISN'T IT GRAND?

293
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:10,103
WHAT IS?

294
00:12:10,172 --> 00:12:12,551
HE'S SUCH A GREAT MUSICIAN.

295
00:12:12,620 --> 00:12:14,275
HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO TOUCH
AN INSTRUMENT TO BE BRILLIANT.

296
00:12:16,965 --> 00:12:18,137
[CHEERING]

297
00:12:18,206 --> 00:12:20,586
ALL RIGHT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH.

298
00:12:20,655 --> 00:12:22,862
BUNCH OF NONSENSE.

299
00:12:22,931 --> 00:12:25,482
WHY, HERE HE COMES NOW.

300
00:12:25,551 --> 00:12:28,275
[GASPS] IT ISHIM.

301
00:12:28,344 --> 00:12:30,034
HUH?

302
00:12:30,103 --> 00:12:33,724
AREN'T YOU THE ESTEEMED
SQUILLIAM FANCYSON THE THIRD

303
00:12:33,793 --> 00:12:37,000
WHO WE ALL CAME HERE
TO SEE PERFORM TONIGHT?

304
00:12:37,068 --> 00:12:38,413
NO, I AM NOT.

305
00:12:38,482 --> 00:12:40,655
NOR WOULD I EVER WANT TO BE.

306
00:12:40,724 --> 00:12:43,379
I AM QUITE CONTENT BEING
SQUIDWARD Q. TENTACLES.

307
00:12:43,448 --> 00:12:45,758
OH, DEAR.

308
00:12:45,827 --> 00:12:47,103
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.

309
00:12:47,172 --> 00:12:48,206
WHY?

310
00:12:48,275 --> 00:12:50,896
BECAUSE I'M HEAD MATRON

311
00:12:50,965 --> 00:12:53,655
AT AN ESTEEMED
MUSICAL COLLEGE IN TOWN

312
00:12:53,724 --> 00:12:56,758
AND THOUGHT IF YOU WERE
SQUILLIAM FANCYSON

313
00:12:56,827 --> 00:12:59,379
I WOULD OFFER YOU
THE HIGH-PAYING

314
00:12:59,448 --> 00:13:02,000
AND PRESTIGIOUS OPPORTUNITY

315
00:13:02,068 --> 00:13:04,896
TO COME THERE AND TEACH
YOUR VERY OWN MUSIC CLASS.

316
00:13:04,965 --> 00:13:09,758
MY VERY OWN MUSIC CLASS?

317
00:13:09,827 --> 00:13:11,586
DID YOU SAY
"SQUILLIAM FANCYSON"?

318
00:13:11,655 --> 00:13:12,620
YES.

319
00:13:12,689 --> 00:13:14,482
I'M...

320
00:13:14,551 --> 00:13:17,310
SQUILLIAM FANCYSON.

321
00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:19,758
BUT DIDN'T YOU
JUST SAY A MINUTE AGO

322
00:13:19,827 --> 00:13:22,586
THAT YOUR NAME WAS
SQUIDWARD Q. TENTACLES?

323
00:13:22,655 --> 00:13:24,551
IT IS- NO, I MEAN, UH,
NO, NO, I DIDN'T.

324
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:25,862
WELL, THAT'S A RELIEF.

325
00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:27,724
I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF A MORON

326
00:13:27,793 --> 00:13:29,931
WOULD GO TO THEIR
WORST ENEMY'S MUSIC RECITAL?

327
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,379
A VERY PATHETIC ONE,
THAT'S WHOM.

328
00:13:32,448 --> 00:13:33,724
INDEED. [LAUGHS]

329
00:13:33,793 --> 00:13:35,620
[LAUGHING]

330
00:13:37,172 --> 00:13:41,137
[LAUGHING LOUDLY]

331
00:13:41,206 --> 00:13:42,827
OH.

332
00:13:42,896 --> 00:13:45,379
WELL, GOOD EVENING,
PROFESSOR SQUILLIAM.

333
00:13:45,448 --> 00:13:47,206
WHO?

334
00:13:47,275 --> 00:13:50,586
UH, UM, UH, AND
A GOOD EVENING TO YOU AS WELL.

335
00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:53,344
HMM, MUSIC TYPES.

336
00:13:53,413 --> 00:13:56,275
OH, THEY'RE SO STRANGE.

337
00:13:56,344 --> 00:13:57,655
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

338
00:13:57,724 --> 00:13:59,000
[DOOR OPENS]

339
00:14:07,586 --> 00:14:09,172
[CLEARS THROAT]

340
00:14:09,241 --> 00:14:11,206
GOOD EVENING, STUDENTS.

341
00:14:11,275 --> 00:14:13,206
NOW OUR FIRST...

342
00:14:13,275 --> 00:14:15,310
GOOD EVENING, PROFESSOR.

343
00:14:17,034 --> 00:14:18,586
AS I WAS SAYING...

344
00:14:18,655 --> 00:14:20,482
OUR FIRST...

345
00:14:20,551 --> 00:14:22,793
YES.

346
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:25,689
AREN'T YOU GONNA
WRITE YOUR NAME ON THE BOARD
LIKE MOST PROFESSORS DO?

347
00:14:25,758 --> 00:14:28,206
MY, MY NAME, WHAT FOR?

348
00:14:28,275 --> 00:14:30,793
WELL, YOU KNOW,
IT JUST SEEMS LIKE

349
00:14:30,862 --> 00:14:34,103
TEACHERS USUALLY WRITE
THEIR NAMES ON THE BOARD
THE FIRST DAY OF CLASS.

350
00:14:34,172 --> 00:14:36,103
[SIGHS]

351
00:14:36,172 --> 00:14:38,689
WHY DON'T YOUCOME
WRITE YOURNAME ON THE BOARD?

352
00:14:38,758 --> 00:14:40,137
WE'LL SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT.

353
00:14:40,206 --> 00:14:42,724
[SCOFFS] OK.

354
00:14:50,172 --> 00:14:53,793
THERE, NOW HOW DOES
THAT FEEL, "BILLY"?

355
00:14:53,862 --> 00:14:56,620
OK, I, I GUESS.

356
00:14:56,689 --> 00:14:57,965
GOOD.

357
00:14:58,034 --> 00:15:00,137
NOW WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR SEAT

358
00:15:00,206 --> 00:15:03,137
AND STOP POKING YOUR NOSE
INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS?

359
00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:10,586
NOW IF WE CAN
GO FOR FIVE MINUTES

360
00:15:10,655 --> 00:15:13,413
WITHOUT HAVING
ANY FURTHER INTERRUPTIONS,
I'D WOULD LIKE TO...

361
00:15:13,482 --> 00:15:14,689
[LAUGHS]

362
00:15:14,758 --> 00:15:17,379
HEY, LOOK, IT'S SQUID-

363
00:15:17,448 --> 00:15:20,931
UH, "SQUILLIAM," EVERYBODY,
HE WAS ABOUT TO SAY "SQUILLIAM."

364
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:24,862
OH, UH, OH, ACTUALLY, I THINK
HE WAS ABOUT TO SAY "SQUID-"

365
00:15:24,931 --> 00:15:28,275
DIDN'T YOU TWO NINCOMPOOPS KNOW

366
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:31,931
I HAD MY NAME LEGALLY CHANGED
TO "SQUILLIAM FANCYSON"?

367
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,965
AND YOU ARE TO REFER TO ME
ONLY AS PROFESSOR SQUILLIAM

368
00:15:36,034 --> 00:15:38,310
FROM NOW UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

369
00:15:38,379 --> 00:15:40,275
NOW BLINK TWICE
SO I KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND.

370
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:45,241
OK, GOOD.

371
00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:46,931
HEY, HE BLINKED THREE TIMES.

372
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,034
WOW, ONLY EIGHT MINUTES IN

373
00:15:50,103 --> 00:15:52,103
AND WE'VE ALREADY
BEEN GIVEN A MATH QUIZ.

374
00:15:52,172 --> 00:15:54,275
VERY ADVANCED MUSIC CLASS,
HUH, PATRICK?

375
00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:56,000
I'LL SAY.

376
00:15:56,068 --> 00:15:58,620
WOULD YOU TWO NUMBSKULLS
MIND TELLING ME

377
00:15:58,689 --> 00:16:00,206
WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN
MUSIC CLASS, ANYWAY?

378
00:16:00,275 --> 00:16:02,620
SURE.

379
00:16:02,689 --> 00:16:04,551
PATRICK'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION
WAS TO LEARN TO PLAY
AN INSTRUMENT.

380
00:16:04,620 --> 00:16:07,448
YOU TOLD ME YOUR RESOLUTION
WAS TO SIGN UP FOR

381
00:16:07,517 --> 00:16:11,586
AN ALL-NATURAL, SLIMMING,
TONING, AND INCREASED
MUSCLE MASS PROGRAM.

382
00:16:11,655 --> 00:16:12,758
IT WAS.

383
00:16:12,827 --> 00:16:14,896
I TRADED WITH SPONGEBOB.

384
00:16:14,965 --> 00:16:18,689
AND I HAVE BEEN REALLY HAPPY
WITH THE RESULTS, SEE?

385
00:16:18,758 --> 00:16:21,448
WOW, THOSE ARE
IMPRESSIVE RESULTS.

386
00:16:21,517 --> 00:16:22,931
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

387
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,172
[CLEARS THROAT]

388
00:16:24,241 --> 00:16:26,413
AS YOU MAY NOT BE AWARE

389
00:16:26,482 --> 00:16:27,655
MUSIC IS A...

390
00:16:27,724 --> 00:16:28,689
[SPONGEBOB LAUGHS]

391
00:16:28,758 --> 00:16:30,068
MUSIC IS A...

392
00:16:30,137 --> 00:16:32,344
[SPONGEBOB LAUGHS]

393
00:16:32,931 --> 00:16:35,241
[QUICKLY]: MUSIC IS
A COMPLICATED SERIES OF...

394
00:16:35,310 --> 00:16:36,000
[SPONGEBOB LAUGHS]

395
00:16:38,724 --> 00:16:41,137
IS A COMPLICATED SERIES OF NOTES
THAT, WHEN PLAYED IN THE...

396
00:16:41,206 --> 00:16:43,620
[LAUGHS]

397
00:16:43,689 --> 00:16:45,965
SPONGEBOB, DO YOU MIND?

398
00:16:46,034 --> 00:16:48,862
THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE HERE
BESIDES YOU, YOU KNOW.

399
00:16:48,931 --> 00:16:53,586
AND I DON'T THINK
THEYAPPRECIATE YOU
DEPRIVING THEM OF MYWISDOM.

400
00:16:53,655 --> 00:16:57,931
[SIGHS] I'M SORRY,
"PROFESSOR SQUILLIAM."

401
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,758
PATRICK HERE KEEPS
TICKLING MY FOOT.

402
00:17:03,241 --> 00:17:05,896
NO WAY, HE'S MAKING THAT UP.

403
00:17:05,965 --> 00:17:07,551
IT WAS HIM.

404
00:17:07,620 --> 00:17:10,379
YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE
HE WAS TICKLING HIMSELF?

405
00:17:10,448 --> 00:17:12,724
YOU BETTER TELL HIM, SPONGEBOB.

406
00:17:12,793 --> 00:17:14,034
ALL RIGHT, IT WAS ME.

407
00:17:14,103 --> 00:17:15,758
YOU WERE TICKLING YOURSELF.

408
00:17:15,827 --> 00:17:17,137
MM-HMM.

409
00:17:17,206 --> 00:17:17,793
HOW?LIKE THIS.

410
00:17:19,827 --> 00:17:22,000
[LAUGHS]

411
00:17:23,827 --> 00:17:26,172
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH!

412
00:17:32,241 --> 00:17:33,689
THERE.

413
00:17:33,758 --> 00:17:35,482
NOW, AS I WAS SAYING

414
00:17:35,551 --> 00:17:37,275
MUSIC IS A SERIES OF COMPLEX...

415
00:17:37,344 --> 00:17:39,620
[SPONGEBOB LAUGHS]

416
00:17:39,689 --> 00:17:42,448
SPONGEBOB, I TOLD YOU
TO STOP TICKLING YOURSELF.

417
00:17:42,517 --> 00:17:45,413
ACTUALLY, THAT TIME...
IT REALLY WAS ME.

418
00:17:48,655 --> 00:17:51,103
NOW I'M GOING TO PUT SOME NOTES
ON THE CHALKBOARD.

419
00:17:55,413 --> 00:17:56,827
[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]

420
00:17:56,896 --> 00:17:59,758
EXCUSE ME?

421
00:17:59,827 --> 00:18:02,206
IS THIS SOMETHING
YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH
THE REST OF THE CLASS?

422
00:18:02,275 --> 00:18:04,448
UH-UH.

423
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:07,310
GO ON, YOU'VE ALREADY
INTERRUPTED ONCE.

424
00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:10,862
YOU MIGHT AS WELL TELL US
WHAT WAS SO VERY IMPORTANT.

425
00:18:10,931 --> 00:18:13,517
WELL...

426
00:18:13,586 --> 00:18:16,034
I WAS JUST SAYING THAT
THESE LINES YOU DREW

427
00:18:16,103 --> 00:18:18,413
REMIND ME OF A RAILROAD TRACK.

428
00:18:18,482 --> 00:18:21,965
I'VE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING
INSIPID, INSANE

429
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:24,413
UNINTERESTING OR IRRELEVANT.

430
00:18:24,482 --> 00:18:29,724
WELL, ACTUALLY, THERE WAS
A RAILROAD CONVENTION
IN TOWN LAST WEEK

431
00:18:29,793 --> 00:18:33,551
AND I BOUGHT MYSELF THIS
NIFTY CONDUCTOR'S CAP.

432
00:18:33,620 --> 00:18:37,379
I HAVE NEVER SEEN A MORE
RIDICULOUS-LOOKING OBJECT

433
00:18:37,448 --> 00:18:38,620
ON TOP OF
ANYBODY'S HEAD ANYWHERE.

434
00:18:40,482 --> 00:18:43,206
WELL, I DON'T KNOW,
SUITS MY NEEDS.

435
00:18:43,275 --> 00:18:46,137
WHAT ELSE DID YOU BUY
AT THIS CONVENTION?

436
00:18:46,206 --> 00:18:49,172
YOUR VERY OWN LOCOMOTIVE?
[LAUGHS]

437
00:18:50,206 --> 00:18:51,310
YES.

438
00:18:51,379 --> 00:18:52,896
[LAUGHS]- WHAT THE?

439
00:19:03,413 --> 00:19:06,724
[WHISTLE TOOTS]

440
00:19:13,448 --> 00:19:15,896
NOW WHERE WERE...

441
00:19:15,965 --> 00:19:17,965
WE?

442
00:19:18,034 --> 00:19:20,931
THIS IS WHAT'S KNOWN AS
A METRONOME.

443
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,448
HEY, MY MOM HAS ONE OF THOSE
IN HER GARDEN.

444
00:19:23,517 --> 00:19:24,586
OH, NO, SPONGEBOB.

445
00:19:24,655 --> 00:19:26,931
THAT WAS A GARDEN GNOME.

446
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,689
[CLEARS THROAT] ANYWAY.

447
00:19:28,758 --> 00:19:32,586
THE METRONOME
HELPS US KEEP TIME.

448
00:19:40,620 --> 00:19:44,344
SpongeBob and Patrick: TICK,
TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK...

449
00:19:44,413 --> 00:19:46,620
TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK....

450
00:19:46,689 --> 00:19:48,000
DO YOU MIND?

451
00:19:48,068 --> 00:19:50,034
TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK...

452
00:19:50,103 --> 00:19:53,517
IS THERE SOMETHING SERIOUSLY
WRONG WITH YOUR HEADS?

453
00:19:53,586 --> 00:19:56,827
MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN
POINTED IN ONE DIRECTION.

454
00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:59,034
I SEE THAT NOW.

455
00:19:59,103 --> 00:20:01,551
THERE'S NEVER BEEN
ANY CHOICE FOR ME.

456
00:20:01,620 --> 00:20:04,413
WOULD YOU TWO NINCOMPOOPS
CUT IT OUT?

457
00:20:04,482 --> 00:20:06,103
OR AM I GONNA...[KNOCK AT DOOR]

458
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,034
HELLO.

459
00:20:08,103 --> 00:20:09,793
WE'RE WITH THE LOCAL
BIKINI BOTTOM NEWS CHANNEL.

460
00:20:09,862 --> 00:20:10,758
I'M A REPORTER.

461
00:20:10,827 --> 00:20:13,206
[GASPS]

462
00:20:13,275 --> 00:20:15,379
WE'RE HERE TO CONDUCT
AN INTERVIEW WITH

463
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:18,793
THE ESTEEMED MUSICAL GENIUS
SQUILLIAM FANCYSON.

464
00:20:18,862 --> 00:20:20,724
SpongeBob and Patrick: TICK,
TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK...

465
00:20:20,793 --> 00:20:21,896
TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK...

466
00:20:21,965 --> 00:20:23,000
PLEASE IGNORE THEM.

467
00:20:23,068 --> 00:20:24,275
ARE THOSE STUDENTS OF YOURS?

468
00:20:24,344 --> 00:20:26,000
NOPE, THEY'RE JUST MORONS.

469
00:20:26,068 --> 00:20:27,793
COME ON, YOU TWO,
SNAP OUT OF IT.

470
00:20:27,862 --> 00:20:31,379
THEY APPEAR TO BE
IN SOME TYPE OF TRANCE.

471
00:20:31,448 --> 00:20:33,965
A CASE OF GENUINE
HYPNOSIS LIKE THIS

472
00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:35,758
MAKES A MUCH HOTTER SCOOP.

473
00:20:35,827 --> 00:20:37,827
HOTTER SCOOP?

474
00:20:37,896 --> 00:20:40,862
WELL, IT'S THE SORT OF THING
THAT BORDERS ON THE PARANORMAL.

475
00:20:40,931 --> 00:20:42,482
OUR VIEWERS JUST
EAT THAT STUFF UP.

476
00:20:42,551 --> 00:20:44,896
PARANORMAL?

477
00:20:44,965 --> 00:20:47,689
THE ONLY THING PARANORMAL
AROUND HERE

478
00:20:47,758 --> 00:20:50,689
IS HOW FAST I'M GONNA
MAKE YOU TWO DISAPPEAR.

479
00:20:50,896 --> 00:20:52,586
DON'T BLAME ME...

480
00:20:52,655 --> 00:20:54,586
BLAME THE MARKET...

481
00:20:54,655 --> 00:20:55,724
[GRUNTS AND PANTS][SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

482
00:20:57,241 --> 00:20:59,310
WHAT, WHERE AM I?

483
00:20:59,379 --> 00:21:01,724
I FELT LIKE I WAS IN
SOME SORT OF HORRIBLE TRANCE.

484
00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:04,172
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?

485
00:21:04,241 --> 00:21:05,965
OK.
OK.

486
00:21:06,034 --> 00:21:10,068
YOU ONCE AGAIN MANAGED TO
SINGLE-HANDEDLY ANNIHILATE

487
00:21:10,137 --> 00:21:14,103
WHAT MIGHT BE THE ONE AND ONLY
CHANCE I MAY EVER GET

488
00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:18,000
TO SOW JUST ONE TINY SEED
OF CREATIVE HOPE

489
00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:20,310
INTO THE CULTURALLY BARREN
WASTELAND

490
00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:24,862
THAT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US
IS FORCED TO CALL HOME.

491
00:21:24,931 --> 00:21:28,379
ACTUALLY, I'VE BEEN
COMMUTING FROM UPSTATE.

492
00:21:28,448 --> 00:21:33,103
NOW I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU TWO
HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY
FOR YOURSELVES.

493
00:21:33,172 --> 00:21:35,896
WELL, I GUESS IF I WAS
TO SAY ONE THING

494
00:21:35,965 --> 00:21:37,448
IT WOULD HAVE TO BE...

495
00:21:37,517 --> 00:21:40,448
WE'RE SORRY, SQUIDWARD.

496
00:21:40,517 --> 00:21:43,413
YEAH, WE'RE SORRY,
SQUIDWARD.

497
00:21:43,482 --> 00:21:45,241
[STAMMERS] NO-NO-NO,
SHH-SHH-SHH.

498
00:21:45,310 --> 00:21:48,551
HEY, DID THOSE GUYS
JUST CALL YOU SQUIDWARD?

499
00:21:48,620 --> 00:21:51,034
NO-NO-NO-NO-NO,
THEY SAID SQUILLIAM.

500
00:21:51,103 --> 00:21:54,482
UGH, I KNEW THIS GUY
WAS A PHONY FROM MINUTE ONE.

501
00:21:54,551 --> 00:21:55,655
I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE.

502
00:21:55,724 --> 00:21:57,344
YEAH, ME TOO.

503
00:21:57,413 --> 00:21:59,068
I'M GONNA GET MY TUITION BACK.

504
00:21:59,137 --> 00:22:00,655
NO, WAIT.[STUDENTS CLAMORING]

505
00:22:00,724 --> 00:22:03,068
[CLAMORING]

506
00:22:03,137 --> 00:22:04,344
NO!

507
00:22:04,413 --> 00:22:06,103
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

508
00:22:12,379 --> 00:22:15,379
WHAT, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

509
00:22:15,448 --> 00:22:18,206
SORRY, PROFESSOR,
YOUR LITTLE SYMPHONY IS OVER.

510
00:22:18,275 --> 00:22:20,172
IT'S TRUE, WE'RE ON TO
YOUR LITTLE RUSE.

511
00:22:20,241 --> 00:22:21,827
WHAT A HOT SCOOP.

512
00:22:21,896 --> 00:22:24,586
THE REAL SQUILLIAM,
AS WE ALL KNOW

513
00:22:24,655 --> 00:22:29,103
HAS A LARGE, BUSHY UNIBROW JUST
AT THE BASE OF HIS FOREHEAD.

514
00:22:29,172 --> 00:22:30,448
BUT...

515
00:22:30,517 --> 00:22:32,379
NO UNIBROW.

516
00:22:32,448 --> 00:22:34,689
SQUIDWARD Q. TENTACLES,
I'M PLACING YOU UNDER ARREST

517
00:22:34,758 --> 00:22:35,965
FOR IMPERSONATING A GENIUS.

518
00:22:36,034 --> 00:22:37,034
[HANDCUFFS CLICKING]

519
00:22:42,655 --> 00:22:44,758
TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK...

520
00:22:46,482 --> 00:22:51,103
[♪...]

521
00:23:29,034 --> 00:23:30,896
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]